Co-Parenting During The Holidays

Co-parenting during the holidays: The winter holidays can be difficult for many families, especially so for newly separated or divorced couples with shared parenting regimes. If you are struggling with navigating a “new normal” at this time of year, the following considerations, gleaned from various family law custody and access decisions, may be helpful.

1. The interests of the child come first. This is the guiding principle which governs all parenting and decision making, and one you should keep in mind for your own family. What is best for the child may depend on factors such as the age of the child, existing co-parenting arrangements, and any holiday traditions. When trying to decide which holiday regime is best for your children, it is worthwhile to consider whether both parents can spend meaningful holidays with the children together. Even if such an arrangement is not feasible, it is nevertheless important that children celebrate holidays and develop traditions with both parents.As the court noted in Douglas v. Douglas, 2022 ONSC 585: “The court accepts … that Christmas time is a special and important time for a child. This child ought to be given a time with each parent to celebrate and enjoy traditions in each home.” (at para. 104)

   In many cases where families celebrate a specific holiday, that holiday is spent with one parent in odd years and the other in even years, or divided equally between parents each year. However, these regimes are not one-size-fits-all. Such schedules may be difficult for younger children, particularly if they are spending the majority of their time with one parent.

2. Consider travel plans carefully. If you have alternating holidays with your children, does your agreement address whether travel is permitted over the holidays? If so, have you considered how to handle any travel-related issues that may arise? Consider whether your plans could be disrupted by inclement weather, overbooked flights, or any other issues. If the worst happens, how will that affect your co-parent and your children?It is also essential that you secure either a court order or a notarized travel consent authorizing any travel well in advance of your travel plans. Often, e-mails or even letters confirming the other parent’s consent to travel will not suffice for travel safety agents, so securing a formal and notarized travel consent is always best practice.
3. Holiday parenting is not a reward or punishment. If you have shared parenting of the children, you should do your best to negotiate reasonably with your co-parent on issues such as a holiday schedule. Family law does not consider parenting time a reward or punishment; nor should you. If you are having trouble reaching an agreement on your own, consider whether a neutral third party can assist, or whether the question of holiday parenting should be negotiated with the assistance of counsel.Proposals for holiday parenting or travel plans should be discussed and finalized well in advance of the winter break. The winter break is often a very busy time for family courts with limited availability and sitting dates – only matters of the utmost urgency are heard by the courts at this time. Leaving pertinent decisions to the last minute can mean you have few recourses to address any disagreements.
4. Do your best to shield your children from parental conflict. Even if you are having difficulty in negotiating holiday co-parenting arrangements, these issues should be dealt with by the adults, without involving the children. Exposing the children to conflict or leaving such decisions to young children is not in their best interests. If you are altering a previous holiday arrangement, children will likely need additional support adjusting to new holiday routines. If both parents are able to set aside their differences and support the children, without negativity, the children will be well-equipped to acclimate to their new routines and traditions.